Erik’s Blog

Some time between birth and 2004, the inner bowl of sticky hamburger known as my guts decided to rebel.

In 2004 I was still a fairly young guy — around 38 at the time — but for whatever reason that didn’t seem to matter. One doctor visit led to another doctor visit. Then another. Then another. Tests, blood samples, KY and latex gloves (and eyes that never seemed to meet head-on when goodbyes were exchanged), all of it was part of my life for one year. It was a special thing.

Not that it matters, but as far as I’m concerned 2004 will go down as The Year Erik Began a Personal Health Overhaul, or TYEBaPHO for short.

One of the numerous health related events of early 2004 was my first colonoscopy. This was brought on by 40 pounds of weight that mysteriously disappeared between August, 2003 and April, 2004. Sure, that’s not an unreasonable amount of weight to lose in eight months, but only if you’re trying. I wasn’t trying, like, at all. Colon cancer has been encountered in my family in the past so a colonoscopy was prescribed.

It’s a damn good thing, too, because I didn’t come up “clean.” There wasn’t much pre-cancerous stuff to remove, but what the doc saw he snipped. The stuff that was removed typically takes 10-12 years to develop into full blown cancer. Had I waited until my 50th birthday to get my first colonoscopy… Let’s see, 50-38=CANCER. Fun, huh? Talk about dumb luck.

I was told to come back in two years to make sure everything was removed. It’s been two years. Tomorrow, I go in for colonoscopy #2.

What am I doing today? Nothing. Well, not really nothing; I’m prepping for tomorrow morning. Anyone who has had this procedure knows the drill: a clear liquid diet all day long plus a wonderous concoction known as Fleet Phospho-Soda. Thank goodness it comes in lemon-ginger flavor… Unfortunately, lemon-ginger outside of Fleet’s R&D department equates to sour bilge water. Naxtay…

I’m currently about 10 minutes from the designated time when I give myself the first dose. I expect nothing less than the worst.

I’ve been on fluids all day long. There’s only so much clear liquid variety you can conjur up when it’s all you can consume. I’ve gone through cranberry juice cocktail, lemon-lime Gatorade, white grape/blueberry/kiwi juice, green tea, coffee, and gallons of water. Sorry, but even when your stomach is full of liquids you can still feel hungry. The one solid food that I can eat is Jell-o. In a few hours it’ll be firm enough to eat.

Yay.

I think I’m going to eat a side of beef tomorrow afternoon when the colonoscopy is through. I’m HUNGRY.

Oh, and I guess wish me luck. I doubt anything bad will be found, and even if it is, it’ll be taken care of. Staying ahead of the game is what it’s all about. (BTW, the mystery of the 40 pound weight loss was never solved…)